Now as a late teen in an age of “so much to do, so little time” you think I have a lot more to do besides flipping through wood and ink. This is where my other time waster comes into play: gaming. From the first days of playing Super Mario 64 on my Grandmother’s N64 to the days when it’s just me and an iPad in hand, (and occasionally a Wii U Gamepad or a Mac keyboard) I’ve got a knack for it. My quench for instant gratification in this medium knows no limits or genre. And only at the end of last year was a whole new medium opened up.
Just last year my strict, Castro wannabe parents finally allowed internet access on my aforementioned Wii U allowing me to play the hundreds of classic games, and finally uncover why all those basement-dwelling, couch-bound, self-indulgent Gen Y’s keep ranting on about why the 80’s and/or 90’s where “the best decade ever”. So I got a classic title to try and make sense of that mindset. This title to be precise.
The Legend of Zelda is known to be one of the most influential and best games of its time, setting a new standard for games to come with it’s open-ended, enthralling world; one which was only limited to early computers, and they looked a little something like this.
As fun as it is, can it be compared with the likes of World of Warcraft or the Skyrim?
Well, let’s find out.
Our tale begins in the mystical land of Hyrule, ruled by princess Zelda. She is a holder of one of the three pieces the triforce -- a godly, near omnipotent power which each of piece representing one of three attributes: Power; Courage and Wisdom with Zelda as the holder of the triforce of wisdom. However, another holder of the triforce, an overly ambitious wizard named Ganon ( because it’s so frickin’ cliche to say evil ) abducts her in an attempt to acquire the triforce all for himself. Before her abduction, she shatters her own part of the triforce into eight shards and anxiously waits for a saviour, and she gets one: a teenager in green pajamas named Link. So now it’s up to him to acquire the eight shards, storm Ganon’s palace and go all Liam Neeson on his sorry rear end. So yeah a classic timeless tale of "guy saves gal"; those sexist animals.
Now for the mechanics. When you’re first thrown into the foray and blown away by the amazing sprite work and graphics (well for its day), Link can’t do a thing besides moving in his basic four directions: north; south; east; and west. On the same screen, your eyes should be drawn to the cave in the upper left corner, where Link will get a wooden sword from the old geezer after he utters the famous line.
Come on, I’ve got a powerful sorcerer to slay, and I really doubt a sword made of wood would do the trick.
It is from here on out where the real fun begins. Unlike traditional side-scrollers like Super Mario, this game has an emphasis on exploration so you actually have to go looking for the right places. Being that way it’s not only limited to looking for dungeons and reclaiming triforce shards.
You’ll come across shops that’ll sell you items that are inessential for the journey ahead. Such as a bow and arrow that COSTS. MONEY. TO. SHOOT. Bombs which open up otherwise inaccessible pathways in dungeons or blow holes that crack open walls to open up secrets in the overworld. Also, a candle that can help quench your curiosity as instead of blowing up walls it burns bushes to uncover secrets. There can be a number of things such as shops that’ll sell certain items not found elsewhere or the same item at a discount; more old geezers who’ll give you a health potion or permanent health slot; even more old cronies who’ll give you a better sword when you’re health is at a certain level; or people who’ll be generous enough to donate a sum of rupees (the game’s currency) to your cause.
However, this can be a chore all on its own. You know how I’ve said this game is open-ended, well maybe it’s too open-ended. It doesn’t help that all those weak walls and flammable bushes look like EVERY OTHER FREAKIN WALL AND BUSH, and it’s not like that excuse for a map is going to help you out. Not to mention you’ve got to be careful about which wall you bomb or which bush you burn, as not only you’ll find people that’ll help you on your quest but also these little houses which will charge you to repair their “door”.
DOOR REPAIR!?! FOR A FREAKIN PIECE OF ROCK!?!?!?!?
Also there are these sores on Satan’s skin who always screw me over with their little gambling game. EVERY DANG TIME!!!
But that’s only the least of your problems as this game is as tough as tetanus infested nails. Now, in the over world it’s not too bad, but it’s the dungeons where things get really heat up. This especially becomes more prevalent as enemy and level design get more antagonizing than a vanilla coated Academy Awards lineup.
They include darknuts (heavy emphasis on the nut) which can’t be attacked from the from the front;
uh bouncing rabbit heads;
wizzrobes who just teleport everywhere like mad;
the ironically named like-likes which’ll dissolve your expensive shield;
and *shudders* the hands, that’ll take you back to the very beginning of the dungeon!
It’s not like Link is the most adept fighter as he moves like a tank and this has lead to a lot of preventable deaths painful moments. But the star that tops the Christmas tree of horse scat is the correctly named Death Mountain because you’re are going to die -- a LOT!! So many enemies, so many dead ends and so. many. ways. to die. However, the fight with Ganon isn’t as egregious as the dungeon itself as it’s nothing more that memorizing attack patterns and striking at the right time. However, you better hope you’ve come across the silver arrows on your way to the room as without them you can’t deal the final blow. But when you do, oh is it so satisfying.
So how is it?
Despite its archaic status and aggravating design choices, there is still enough sunlight to break up the clouds and make it a nice day.
My score: A-